"Why Can't I Find the Perfect Girl?"

Dear Dr. TRuth, It seems to me that everybody I know has either a girlfriend or boyfriend and this really makes me pissed off due to the fact that I don't have a girlfriend and that the biggest losers or misfits in my school have one. I do socialize with girls, but it's just that I don't really have interest in them for a relationship because either they're my friends, aren't my type, don't know them real well, or I just kind of ignore them. But, what i really am looking for in a girl is: Extremely beautiful inside and out, someone who loves hockey or ice skating, someone who is extremely smart and can handle my personal problems, race- white(must be brunette), asian (light skin color and silky hair), or Indian (light skin color and very sexy), loves pets, someone who can calm my great anger and arrogance (I had to admit these weaknesses), and someone who has a great body (perfect in my terms), funny, and someone who is just about my height or slightly lower- lower than 6 feet but higher than 5'3". Though these qualities are way too much to ask for in a girl in my area, I just want to meet one exactly like that. Look, I know this is crazy and won't happen, but at least give me a few tips on how to meet the girl I desire, let alone get one. Please help immediately, because I don't want to be the biggest LOSER in my school or a gay person. PS: Don't tell me to go to advertise myself in a classified magazine! Searching

Dear Searching Honestly, I think you know exactly why you don't have a girlfriend. Anger and arrogance simply don't mix with intimacy. What are you so angry at? And what makes you so arrogant? Usually, these characteristics are signs of a deep and underlying insecurity not to mention unresolved issues in your own life. No girl needs to take on your problems. Why should any other person, much less someone you love, have to manage your feelings? Sorry, but that is your job. Your letter also displays a marked lack of self-acceptance. No outward situation defines whether or not you are a nerd or a loser. Maybe those people you define as such are able to make themselves more vulnerable and lovable than you are. Maybe they just plain know how to let other people in. Actually, your arrogance may be exactly what keeps you from finding the right one. Arrogance is usually an overcompensation for insecurity. On the other hand, I can tell by your letter that you are bright funny and thoughtful. You also seem to know exactly what you want, but I don't think you really do. What we all want is someone who loves us and makes us feel safe and appreciated. I suggest you start by forming friendships and building trust with some girls you are attracted to. Maybe after you are able to let someone in at least at the level of friendship, you will be able to give up the superficial characteristics you describe and find someone who is lovable, beautiful and kind. In the meantime, learn to love yourself. All else springs from that. Good luck in your search and keep me posted. Sincerely, Dr. TRuth