"Why Can't I Feel Anything?"

Dear Dr. TRuth, I have been dating a great guy for 2 months now. He is wonderful. Newly divorced, as am I, we have both found ourselves in the city. I have been separated for three years and have long since resolved any issues with my ex-husband. I feel healthy and sane, but have been guarding my feelings after a married boyfriend returned to his wife and crushed me 2 years ago. My new boyfriend has been part of a friendship circle since high school (more than 10 years ago). I am a single parent with two children I am raising myself. Their father is about 500 miles away and sees them on occasion, but I carry the weight of everyday. My problem is I like being with this guy, but can't bring my heart to feel anything. It doesn't switch, feel sad, miss him, feel happy, anything. I am like a cold fish. I have been in a self protective mode for so long that I don't know how to feel anymore. I have attempted to find something on the internet in this field to no avail. Am I the only one who feels like this? I really like this guy and want to share my heart with him. How do I let myself love again? Is this going to be one of those wait it out and it will come things? I feel sad that I cannot feel for him. Please help, B.

Dear B. You understand yourself well. You are definitely in pain over the way you have been treated by the men you have allowed to get close to you. You are still angry at your children's father and because of his absence, have a tremendous amount of pressure: parenting, work, etc. Then, you chose another emotionally unavailable man and he also has hurt you. Ask yourself: why do I choose men who can't accept the responsibility of a relationship? Think about your own childhood and examine your unconscious attitudes about men in general and what they provide for the women in their lives. Tell the man you are with that you are still recovering from your own past and that you want to continue seeing him but that you need more time. I suggest counseling to help you deal with past pain and to help you to examine the earlier choices you have made. Your heart is closed because you've been hurt and now you have to begin the process of healing so that you may love freely once again. My heart does go out to you and I know that you have it in you to do this. A caring counselor can do wonders. Let me know how it goes. Sincerely, Dr. TRuth